Abrupt

*sigh*
Well, then. It's been a long, long week. And now, it's almost over. I've been having many thoughts. A great many, covering a great many topics. Right now I am in something of a sentimental mood. My mind wanders. I think of the women in my life... or more rather, the women that used to be in my life. By the way, I have made a decision to skip the beautification process while writing. As much as I can, anyway. I'll try to be more straightforward and just say what I mean. This is some of what I've been thinking about, and I've come up with a saying for it:
"Focus more on what you are doing, and less on how well you are doing it."
At any rate, Rosi just sent me a link to a song on Youtube, something about a sad love story, "Don't Forget" or some such.
I, in turn, sent Lilach a message. I really want to talk to her... just talk. I'm afraid she is afraid of me, or rather, repulsed in some manner, or... I can't think of a fitting word, and I promised myself I wouldn't waste too much time dwelling on such things. Anyway, I think she expects any conversation with me to be unpleasant and awkward, and probably requiring emotional effort on her part.
I believe this needn't be so. I am no longer in the same place I used to be. However, I would very much like to learn about this person, who was once one of the most influential in my life. I can't help but be fascinated by her, even after so long. It was more than just a crush... And yet, I feel like I really know nothing of this girl who took my heart. I am eager to learn.
Then there's Hannah. I really don't know what to do about her. I should arrange to meet her next time I'm in Jerusalem. I hope I can pull that off, both in the sense of making myself make the necessary arrangements, and in the sense of her actually being able and willing to meet me. I fear that may not be so likely. But, it is not yet time to give up.
Which leaves me waiting. Well, there's plenty to keep my hands full without straying too far. Not in the sense I'd like, though. I mean to say, there's plenty to do, and plenty to ponder. Plenty of struggles to be struggled.
About that: I'm technically at a low point in terms of pressure. I just finished suffering for seminar. The blasted thing is over. A fascinating experience, I suppose. The thing itself was actually quite pleasant, at times. Not the planning, though...
The work with other people, and the work with myself, it was all very trying. Educational, perhaps, but grueling nevertheless.
I think I'll stop now.